Together

Love these two! And just love watching them play together!

~Whitney

Some Tessa

What do you get after a week+ of BynumFour sickness?

...Mass-multi-blog-updates!!

I have some fun pictures from the last couple of weeks that I just have to post...so I'm spending some time catching up!

Precious snuggle time with Daddy

darn flash...closes her eyes every time!

frilly...tutu and leg warmers ;)

just chillin

working hard at pt

~Whitney

OT Time

Here are a few things to share from the last couple of weeks of OT. Ms. Kayla takes Tessa every Tuesday and Friday morning to Occupational Therapy at The Children's Center. Tessa has made some huge strides since we started OT! And I just love it when Kayla snaps some pictures of her progress while they are there.

Here's Miss Tessa sitting up all by herself last week!

She did this several times for a few seconds throughout the session.

This is a new little Squiggles contraption they used today...

(well, "little"...it's a $1300 Early Activity System)

http://www.adaptivemall.com/lesqeaacsye.html

...works pretty fabulously!

Looks like we might need to get one of these for home!

We are so thankful for Kayla and how hard she works with our Little Miss! And thankful for the therapists at The Children's Center that are helping Tessa learn and explore new things!

~Whitney

Sick Girl

Please say some prayers for Tessa! We all got slammed by strep this week and Miss Tessa isn't doing so well. We did take her to the doctor yesterday and they gave her oral antibiotics for the strep and antibiotic drops for a terrible ear infection. She has been dehydrated for several days anyway just from being sick & in so much pain when she tries to swallow, and then yesterday she started throwing up. We're pretty sure it's just because the antibiotics are just too much on her system right now. It's just really hard to get her well when she struggles keeping food and medicine down. The more we can get her system replenished though, the better she'll tolerate her medicine and the quicker she'll get healthy again! It's stressful with it being right before a weekend, but we have a plan and that helps a lot!
I think the rest of us are on the mend ...thankfully ...because we have a 4 year old to celebrate tomorrow!!!

~Whitney

Random Fun Times

Just some random fun times for the Bynumfour!

Daddy's over-the-shoulder head control hold!

Yes, big brother makes for a fabulous horsey!

(his face makes it looked like we forced him...but we didn't ;)

Daddy and Tessa giggles are the best!

Parker determining that Tessa is getting a little big to hold these days!

Precious...that's all...just precious

Tessa's new trick...rolling/throwing herself off of her nap nanny...

we'll take movement however we can get it ;)

These two always have a grand 'ol time together

Proof of their bond...

More of Tessa's simple giggles...watching Daddy unload the dishwasher

(no dishes were harmed in the making of this video ;)

~Whitney

New Activity

A new favorite activity in the Bynum household:

a lightbox and water beads!

They are beautiful to look at and squishy fun to touch!

This is her serious face...but she is having fun ;)

~Whitney

Yay for Good Positioning!

We were lucky enough to get to try out a KidsFast demo over the weekend and it has been a huge hit! This is the exact stroller (except ours in pink) that we have on order for Tessa. Our PT got her hands on a demo and we have had lots of fun with it. It is just amazing to see the changes in Tessa when she has good positioning and is super comfortable. We got her out and about in it over the weekend and it was the first time in months that she didn't throw up while she was in her stroller. When Tessa's tone kicks in it causes her to shift around quite a bit in the strollers we've been using...all the shifting causes lots of pressure on her belly from the straps which causes her to reflux over and over again while she's in it. This new dynamic stroller holds her in the perfect position but also allows her some extension when she needs it, so she stays super comfy!

Here's her first reaction to the new stroller :)

I'm pretty sure she smiled the whole first 5 minutes she was in it!

She knows when things are changing...and changing for the better!

The stroller comes with a tray and has a tilt option

that makes it perfect for meal time

This was Sunday out to lunch after church...

...she has never sat up to the table like this!

It was amazing to have her so up close and personal

just look at the beautiful posture!

enjoying the outdoors

..and finally...a look at Miss Tessa joining us for dinner at the kitchen table.

She didn't quite know what to think being able to rest her arms on the table!

We got Tessa's stroller ordered in December, but we have to plan to give it 6 months. We might get the opportunity to continue using the demo, but it will all just depend. We are definitely making the best of our time with it now though!

~Whitney

Resolution - Fixing my eyes

Somewhat ironic that I composed a post, just 4 days into the new year, in which I declared...had no resolution. New year's resolutions were not at all on my mind. Since writing, I have had some time to reflect on scripture and fix my eyes...

Ephesians 3:20 "God can do immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine."

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

I love experiencing God's love for me in such specific ways. Over the last few days, a few of these scriptures have come up for different reasons. It is never a mistake...when He wants us to hear something, I believe He says it over again, until our hearts are softened and our eyes are fixed back on Him.

So I think it's fitting to say, with God's word and His love for me...that 2012 can be a day by day journey of fixing my eyes on things above...

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

~Whitney

Quiet Pain

I've been doing lots and lots of thinking lately. Lots more thinking than writing, obviously, so I thought I'd take a shot at it today.

There's been a bit of a revolving theme in my life...quiet pain...unspoken pain...hidden feelings...the things we deal with that we fight so desperately to hide. For what reason exactly? That is what I'm trying to figure out. I'm not sure there will be any resolution to this post, simply because that is where I'm at...searching for ways to cope, how to deal, etc...praying for answers to help deal with the painful things in life.

I'm convinced we all have them. We all deal with those things that no one knows about...and we wouldn't share. Partly self-preservation, partly pride, partly fear of being misunderstood or even hurting someone else in the simple discussion of our pain.

I have several examples of what I am talking about...some I can share, others I won't. It's a constant battle in my head...what to do with the painful things in life that make us feel so trapped...so stuck in a rut that we feel like we will burst if the pain isn't resolved and if we can't share what troubles us.

I had a unique situation happen over the holidays...something I was completely unprepared for and felt incapable of dealing with. The hardest thing about the situation is that the pain that was caused was Absolutely Unintentional...there was no intent of hurting me, no maliciousness, nothing of the sort...but it was something that broke my heart. How do things like that happen...how is it that we can be so hurt over something that just happens because we are living life?

The situation: We were preparing for a big get together of family over the holidays. I was super excited about having so many family members together and just celebrating the Christmas season. I was unprepared for there to be a bit of a surprise guest at this get together...a friend of the family...but someone completely unknown to me. I have no doubt she is a precious woman, I didn't get to know her, but have no reason to think otherwise. She was accompanied by her two children, a son and a daughter. Her son was around 4 or 5 and her daughter....1. I don't know 1 and how many months (if any)...I just know, one. The vision so clearly in my head to this day, was seeing that adorable little one year old girl walk in the back door and at the same time seeing Darin emerge from the bedroom with Tessa in his arms after changing her diaper. The differences were painfully obvious and the unexpected shock of it all had me instantly unable to recover. This little one year old walking in in her precious little boots, adorable little dress and cutest little pigtails. I think at one point it was determined that Tessa was older than this little girl...not sure by how much...but older. The "ooo's" and "ahh's" were immediate and with every single one, the pain cut a little deeper and deeper. Why was I not in control in this moment? How in the world could a stranger's presence hurt so incredibly bad? How could I harvest such resentment in my heart for this entire situation? What was going on with me??

I know this is my life...I know these are the things I will inevitably have to deal with...I guess I've just been living a bit more under a rock than I realized maybe. Or grief hit me harder in that very moment than it has hit me in awhile. I tried so hard to sit at the table and just focus on Tessa and Darin and Parker...but the tears wouldn't stop. There was nothing I could do to stop the sadness. My heart was broken in the moment. I took a minute and texted my sisters. Telling them the situation and that I couldn't get a grip and that I just needed to text someone. I couldn't keep the pain quiet for some reason...I needed help. I had already texted Darin and he was fully aware of the pain I was dealing with...he was dealing with it too. I finally dismissed myself back to the bedroom...where I completely fell apart. Fearing the whole time that I was crying so hard that I would never be able to recover and enter the room again without be 'found out'.

As always, my sister's replies were so amazing: Hillarie's: "Sorry Whit, you have a miracle blessing and God sees you and knows your heart. Look into your sweet daughter's eyes and remember that God is the creator and lover of your soul. I love you and am praying for you!" and Lindsay's: "So sorry Whitney! I bet that is very hard and u have a right to be emotional. Just remember that you have a very special daughter in Tessa! Maybe you are needing to grieve some. Love you!" A lot of times I text my sisters together...and it is not unusual for their responses to be similarly powerful.

God sees me....and maybe I needed to grieve. Everything in those two texts I got back helped me deal with my pain. Encouragement to keep hope, to know I am loved and that everything is going to be okay. Things I know, and struggle with having to be reminded of. Why is it in our deepest moments of pain we can't pull from the promises we know? Maybe that's just me...maybe it's a lacking in my faith...a shortcoming on my part?

This was a painful thing, a hard reality, something that I couldn't keep quiet or hide...but there are so many other things...every day, all along this journey, that are so hard, that I do keep quiet and that hurt so much. Most of the time, I do just fine. Most of the time it's okay that it's quiet pain and emotions that are hidden because I can take them to the Lord and work through them on my own.

Unfortunately there are incredible feelings of failure when I'm incapable of handling emotions that I feel. I feel like a failure when I feel pain over something or someone that I know is unintentional. How is that my life? I don't want to walk around angry or bitter over what other children are doing and what my child isn't doing yet. I don't want to have a hateful spirit...and yet they are emotions that come up, out of nowhere sometimes, that are more difficult to sort through.

At home, things are perfectly normal. We have routines, we have ways of doing things that work for us that we don't even think about. Out-and-about...things are a bit harder. When I'm holding Tessa in a restaurant, feeding her a bottle, that is perfectly normal to me, until I look around and realize people are probably confused. Why am I holding a toddler in my arms like a baby...and why am I feeding her out of a bottle? Why do we not need a highchair? Why is the little girl not sitting up on her own? Eating table food? Drinking out of a sippy cup? What is that device flashing on her head? What are those 'shoes' on her feet? Why do they haul in that huge stroller and get in everyone's way?

It's great to hear people say "she is growing up so much!"...but it's hard too. We are moving out of the infant realm...and with that, some realities become even harder.

The other aspects of quiet pain that I deal with are things that are painful in life in general. We all have them...work is hard, time management is hard, financially it is very hard, family relationships are hard, lack of relationships is hard, not having any family around is hard sometimes. There's not much time to talk about the painful things sometimes. Obviously we are busy, as is everyone, and since the things that keep us busy are usually the things we are in constant communication about...it proves to be easier to just leave the other things, the other painful things, hidden and quiet.

I refrain from these types of posts...something I'm not sure I totally understand why I do, but I do. I mean I would never want Tessa or Parker to read anything I write and take away negativity from them...I would never want anyone to feel hurt by what I write or afraid to express emotion to me because of fear that I carry too much emotion on my own. Sometimes hearing others peoples fear and pains helps me feel a bit more normal. I wasn't prepared for the isolating effects of this journey...most of which I feel like are probably my fault. I wasn't prepared for it to be a struggle to even just figure out 'how to be' sometimes.

The only resolution I have for this post, at this time, is that the Lord sees me and knows my heart. I am so thankful for my relationship with my Heavenly Father that forgives me, shows me grace and mercy, and loves me like no one else can. My prayers have been that my focus will change, that I will fix my eyes on the Lord and what He has for me and the plan He has for my life. I think that's how the quiet pain and hidden feelings are resolved for me...I fix my eyes on things above.

~Whitney

This and That

A little jumper time with some Light-Rope vision therapy! Fun times

She's gunna be a superstar...getting started with a

tiny-Tessa-perfect pink and black ball ;)

silly girl...I would like to say that was an intentional thumbs up...

but since I know her thumb isn't in that part of her glove...that would be lying....

ha ha...either way, a cute moment captured!

CI off...check! Headband off...check! Complete silence...check!

Nap time...check!

Stinker...check! Check!

she knows what she wants and how to get it ;)

"Mommy, I will stand AND work on my iPad, if and only if...we can hold hands"

(moments that melt my heart)

Wowza! Look at that head control and look at that Hair!!

Things are a changin....our Little Miss went from infant crib to toddler bed literally over night!

Look how big she looks!

It's a little weird...strange of course to have a 21 month old still using a positioner and to realize we can do this because our little miss doesn't move around, but there is just no denying she is a big girl now and we kinda like treating her like one ;)

This will also help out a lot because Tessa has just about outgrown our changing table...so it will be nice to have this as an option to start changing her diaper and her clothes.

Never imagined we would never have to lower our baby's crib for when she started sitting up, pulling up and standing up.

Never imagined we would take the front rail off at the age of 21 months because we know our sweet baby won't go anywhere.

Never imagined using a sleep positioner would be our only way to make sure our sweet baby switched what side she laid on at night and kept her from being flat on her back.

Lots of things this moment makes me realize I "never imagined"...but Tessa is growing and changing and learning and laughing and loving EVERY DAY and that is something I never would have imagined would have absolutely been enough for me...and meant the world to me!

Simple things are HUGE when we stop and take the time to take it all in!

There's that hair again!

Sleeping beauty

Ha ha...and here's our Captain America!

He is this mama's hero for sure!

Parker playing with Tessa and her new toy (I blinded her with the flash)

It's so cute when we're at the store and Parker says

"I think this will be good for Tessa"

He was right and was such a big helper in showing her how to do it

Here's daddy and Tessa trying out her new toy too...love the giggles!

~Whitney