"My Thoughts"

I just recently decided to start using Labels on my posts. I've noticed in reading other blogs, it has been really helpful to search through posts based on certain topics like equipment, diagnosis, etc. We have been learning so much about equipment these days, and it has been invaluable to read about other people's experiences and see a glimpse of what's out there.

So anyway, if I got them all categorized correctly, to date I have 57 posts that I found appropriate to Label "My Thoughts". Post 57 was written over a month ago and post 56, over a month before that. I have known it for some time, and maybe some of you have too, that I seemed to have fallen off the wagon. It's not that things aren't impacting me, or that I don't feel like I'm learning anything new...I think maybe after trying to make my life routine and normal, it has shut down a few things in me. I have let so many opportunities to write, slip away. The Lord has taught me some really neat things in the last few months, all of which formulated some really great posts in my head...but I let too much time pass and let too many other things get in my head, that not only did they fade for writing...but I have also seen the lessons fade in my life.

In the very beginning of this journey, I had a person tell me that what I was writing about and the way I was writing, seemed fake. It cut through my soul, especially knowing how vulnerable of a place I was writing from. And I think what I am learning even more recently, is that it's when I'm not writing, when I'm not allowing the Lord to stir my soul, that I tend to be fake. It is so much easier in anything in life, to just sit back and let it roll on by. Embracing opportunities requires effort, passion, commitment, and time. It is my desire, more than anything, to allow the Lord to change me and my life according to His plan and His purpose, but to truly embrace those opportunities for change, will take a different approach than the one that I've had.

After Tessa's diagnosis, it seemed impossible to face any waking moment without clinging to God's word and His promises. I can do life without acknowledging this urgency for the Lord, but it is incredibly routine and normal, and not the direction I feel like my heart is leading. There are too many things about my life that are far from routine or normal...and I believe that to be very intentional. I just don't think dull and boring is what He intended in our relationship with Him...just like I don't think it's what He intended by the design of my life.

I'm kinda hoping I'm just dangling off the wagon, so I can just pull myself back up! I'm praying for the Lord to open up my heart and for the ability to start embracing opportunities :)

~Whitney