To Embrace

Psalm 139: 13-16
"13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be."

If hearing aids and cochlear implants were not around, Tessa would absolutely be just as wonderful ~ 'fearfully and wonderfully made'!  We would have journeyed the path of sign language and lip reading just as steadily as we have journeyed the path of hearing and speaking.  I don't feel like I count on things to change Tessa...I want to encourage her in things she finds motivating and I want to minimize her pain...but she is perfect.  When the paths we take open new doors for her, we can't help but feel encouraged.  I am amazed as I watch my 2 year old embrace opportunities.  To witness her sense an understanding of how her life has changed, is breathtaking.  Tessa is definitely sensitive to change...but not always in the ways that one would think.  She surprises me all the time.   The things I might have thought would put her over the edge...she enjoys and anticipates doing again.  Other things I think would be calming and fun for her...actually aren't!  I guess, really, she is as predictably unpredictable as the next!

Two weeks ago tomorrow, Tessa began hearing with two cochlear implants.  I had very little expectation for activation day.  We had been told, sometimes the impact of having two CIs is noticed more over time, than immediately.  We waited a full year between getting her 1st and 2nd CIs to give Tessa a chance to gain better head control.  It was a challenge to keep the right one on when she was first implanted a year ago and we wanted her to be a bit stronger to help us manage the extra 'accessories' on her head. :) The summer time is better for us since Darin is out of school and it is also the season when Tessa tends to be at her healthiest.  We made these decisions based on these different factors in our lives, but I sit here in awe of the One orchestrating it all.  He has allowed us to experience such joy over the last few weeks. The impact of the new left cochlear implant has not gone unnoticed.  The changes were and are profound and really couldn't have been any more immediate.  Tessa loves to hear!  She has embraced this gift in ways that are not only difficult to describe, but in ways that make me stop and consider my own approach to life.


For anyone that knows me, I have always been quite the expectation-kind-of-girl.  Always living in anticipation for the next thing planned.  With Tessa, I am very different.  In this area of my life, God is in complete control.  Since day one, I have turned to Him for peace and wisdom and I have depended on my faith to guide my steps as Tessa's mother.  It's funny how I could really stand to learn a thing or two from this area of my life.  I beat myself up all the time that Tessa's Mother just isn't all of who I am...but it isn't, and I am eager to watch my whole life change.

To Embrace; to seize eagerly; to take up willingly or eagerly.  Something I desperately want to learn from my daughter...to embrace.  All the things that have really mattered in Tessa's life, she has embraced fully.  So much so, I find myself questioning how it is she is capable of this at her age and with the many needs that she has.  There is only one answer and it just can't be anything but God's very purpose for her life.  She is a teacher of things that can hardly be taught.  I am determined to make note of all of the things she is teaching me because I just don't know how else I could ever express how much she has changed my life.

With 2 cochlear implants...Tessa is taking it all in.  I am confident there is no mistake in the timing of all of this for her.  Even though she is only two, she has a passion for life and is quite the little observer of change.  It is as if she knows her brain is being stimulated in ways it never has before.  It is as if she knows she has just gained an opportunity to grow and change and one she will not let pass her by.  It is as if she is embracing 'all the days ordained for [her] written in [His] book'.

I am learning a thing or two from this precious daughter of mine.  And I am ready to embrace the things the Lord has for me in every area of my life.

~Whitney