Over the last several months, I started to write...I have a handful of posts sitting as drafts...incomplete and un-publish-able. The details of our lives are cumbersome. I think I freeze up when I begin to write sometimes, because I realize how daunting of a task it would be to try to document all the many ways that God is working in our lives. It's exciting stuff, but at the same time, the things I feel compelled to share, I often feel inadequate to express. Sometimes I sit wondering about the next part of God's plan. The next mystery that will begin to slowly evolve in our lives that will require an intense dependency on His love and His strength. I am blessed to sit here today and look back and see many mysteries that have unfolded in our lives. Undeniable experiences of God's power and love. God is gracious and good and sometimes allows for moments of increased faith and clarity for us, when we need it most.
"Evolve" verb - develop gradually, esp. from a simple to a more complex form.
"Unfold" verb - to remove the coverings from; disclose to view.
While there are many unfolded mysteries, there are also those ever-so-frustrating ones that just continue to slowly evolve. God has revealed to us, huge-scale-things. HUGE. He has faithfully guided us down multi-year, multi-situational paths and put balloons and lit candles on a cake at the end for when we arrived. I can sit here and think back on each and every moment that has unexpectedly played out just like that. And I can feel the intensity of His love and His provision in those moments and at each time they are remembered.
Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
So why is there so much doubt? For example, how is it that I can think on experiences a, b, and c and feel such comfort and provision...and yet at the same time, I am haunted by experiences d and e, that are looming in my life. Do I only experience an increase in faith when there is resolution...balloons and a cake with candles lit at the end? Do I only trust God's faithfulness to me when He shows me the reason? Am I more faithful and trusting in experiences a, b, and c and that is why they unfold? Am I weak and unsure of God's faithfulness in experiences c and d, and as a result, they continue to loom and slowly evolve?
As I struggle to wrap up this post and as I worry that yet again, it will go un-published...I sit praying. I decided to read my "Jesus Calling" devotional to seek God's word for today. He IS FAITHFUL, in the big and the small. His provisions of love and grace are all around us, but it requires us to be still and to seek Him. My morning began with heavy burdens, incredible stress and focus on the things that feel out of control in my life. Had my burdens not been so heavy, the impact of His Word would not have been so profound.....
Jesus Calling January 22
"STRIVE TO TRUST ME in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment--accepting things exactly as they are--and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances. Trust is like a staff you can lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed. Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind."
Psalm 52:8; Proverbs 3:5-6
Finally...I will publish what I have written. I will let it be a reminder to me to not waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. I am teary and humbled right now as I realize that God met me in this place this morning. He was faithful to hear and to attend to the desperate cries of my heart. Our trust and confidence in Him is only limited by how we limit it. He gives us the strength we need, when we need it, to overcome those voices in our head that try and convince us that all is lost. That we've screwed up and that His grace isn't sufficient for us in All Situations. But, it is. So while the details of our lives continue to be cumbersome, and sometimes writing feels like a un-accomplish-able chore, I'm so thankful today, that God arranged this meeting with me. He reminded me to be still and to listen, and He showed up.
It's not about 'mysteries evolving or unfolding'.....it's about taking the staff He graciously offers us and pressing on up that hill with confidence that He is faithful across all areas and especially in our challenges.
~Whitney
So beautifully written!
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