I took a walk around the pond a couple of times with Parker yesterday evening. It was beautiful outside. I absolutely love the opportunities I get to just walk and talk with him. I cherish those moments of hearing his heart, learning more and more about how he sees life, and watching him become such an amazing little man. He told me last night that he really liked "taking a stroll with me". At first he wasn't super thrilled about it being a little chilly in the wind, but told me several times how surprised he was that he kept forgetting about his hands being cold because he liked 'strolling and talking' with me so much. My heart melted a few times :)
He explained to me that 'a stroll' was a more laid back/relaxing walk (smart kid ;). He said we were doing that because Weston is getting so big these days...and let's be real, that's about all this mama can do ;) Then I started talking to Parker about how exciting it is when a baby arrives...because once they are here, you can't imagine a time that they weren't here. I went on to say how it's been kinda hard to imagine him here right now...but that when he gets here, it's so different, so neat. His response to all of that was 'well yeah, cause when he gets here is in the future and we don't know what the future looks like'....again, smart kid ;)
We've shared off and on as a family about the things that we are each excited about with Weston's arrival. Potentially just a short 4-5 weeks away! Life has been fairly challenging and overwhelming over the last two months that it has honestly made it hard to stop and embrace all the excitement to come. We've taken moments to talk about the excitement, but overall, we are still just coping with day to day, doing our best with what's right in front of us.
To reminisce for a moment...as a child, I had a heck of an imagination. When I was a little girl...barbies and barbie-land was my happy place. Man, the things I came up with that kept me entertained for hours, were unreal. I remember how fun it was and how much I thoroughly enjoyed it. But anymore, I'd say my imagination is almost non-existent. These days, I tend to settle a little better, smack dab in the middle of reality, than in any other alteration of reality. I would say that having a child with special needs is likely a contributing factor to this. Even though I had a huge imagination as a child, it has been dwindling for years and eventually came to a screeching halt. All that to say, I really haven't spent much of this pregnancy imagining life ahead. Instead, I've just taken a day at a time, and then of course, have been looking foward to the day our sweet Weston arrives and when I can't imagine life without him. I guess maybe I fair better in the world of "can't imagine".
Just like Parker said, "we don't know what the future looks like". We do our best to take things a day at a time, embracing God's love and provision in our lives each and every day...moment by moment. It may seem like it steals some of the excitement and anticipation away, but instead, I actually think it allows us to approach life with joy and peace.
It was so fitting when I read in Jesus Calling today:
I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold My hand in trusting dependence, letting Me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy -- even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting My promises to care for you.
Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go.
Deuteronomy 29:29 & Psalm 32:8
Life is uncertain and unpredictable for us all. Though some of us might depend a bit more on the unpredictability than others. So while the future is both exciting and overwhelming, I love looking at it as God's secret. I am so excited about God's secret plans for our lives. Honestly, I'm grateful for my lack of imagination, because in a way, I feel like it helps me allow Him to show me the next step forward, without me having to worry about every little detail. Maybe 'not imagining' is a bit of a coping mechanism for me personally, I don't know, but I love finding God's perspective in it all!
~Whitney
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