Who?

It is heartbreaking, as a working mother, to abruptly lose care for your children. It is overwhelming to learn how to trust others to care for, guide and direct your children, and then to have it stripped away with no warning, is devastating. Until this last Friday night, it had been since the day of Tessa's diagnosis, that Darin and I had cried together. The injustice that has been done to our kids and to our family is such a heavy burden. Right now, there is nothing worse, than having to ask: Who will care for our kids?

Parker has not known anything different for the last 2 1/2 years of his life...and Tessa was adjusting beautifully. Parker thrives on structure, activities and friendships and Tessa just enjoys experiencing life and infecting others with her joy along the way. What has happened to our children is a tragedy. Their worlds have been turned upside down.

I have been asked on many occasions, by new moms, how I was ever able to make the decision to go back to work or to stay home with my kids. This was a decision Darin and I made almost 5 years ago, before we ever moved to Oklahoma. It was announced that the company I was working for was being sold and relocated to Oklahoma City, and at the time, Darin was finishing up school. We considered the option of moving to the Dallas area where Darin could earn more as a teacher, but ultimately, God opened the doors for our move here to OKC. The hardest part of the decision for me, was knowing that to choose to relocate for my job, would mean that I would have to be committed to working, even through the years of raising the children we hoped to have.

As I have heard from many working mothers over the years, the only way we are able to go to work and do our jobs, is because we have learned how to trust others to care for, guide and direct our children. Darin and I have chosen to incorporate care providers into our children's lives and it has been a good decision for us as a family. I don't believe there is a right or wrong way...it's just a matter of choosing what works for your family and making the very very best of that decision.

Our world was rocked in July when we found out Tessa's diagnosis. The questions came up: will one of us stay home? will we know the right decisions to make for her care? And with those questions came guilt, but ultimately, we were motivated to stick with what we knew worked best for us as a family. Since that time, we have continued to learned to make the very best of all the time we share as a family and to find the joy in every moment. We are thankful that this journey has allowed us to approach fewer and fewer circumstances in life with fear and more with confidence that God is in control. There is an enormous amount of freedom found in trusting God for the things unknown.

We are choosing to take one step at a time, learning to trust God in each and every moment. For us, life is not about walking around every day putting on a happy face. Life is about experiencing the highs and the lows, trusting God to bring us through what feels like the worst of the worst, and ultimately choosing the joy that we have in our hearts because of the relationship we have with Him.

As Parker's and Tessa's parents, we are devastated. Our hearts are broken for their worlds that have been turned upside down. The way our lives look today, is very different from anything we could have ever imagined. We are sad, disappointed, angry and confused but we will allow God to fight this battle. We will commit to move past the hurt and anger and allow God to restore the joy in our souls. We are asking now, more than ever, for your love, support, encouragement and prayers as we sort through such a difficult question of, who will care for our kids.

~Whitney