Looking Back - Tessa's Arrival

Tessa arrived on April 8, 2010 at 10:19 p.m. At 38 weeks, she weighed 4 lbs 15 oz and was 19 inches long. She was "healthy just small" they said.

Other than some jaundice, Tessa's only other struggles were maintaining her body temperature and gaining weight. They ran lots of tests, but everything was coming back normal. It was good news, but there was still so much confusion. It wasn't a comforting thing to see perplexed doctors. I was reluctant for weeks to post any pictures of Tessa anywhere. I had an aching feeling in my heart that something wasn't right. She was born at 38 weeks...only 2 weeks early, but so tiny. I just couldn't accept "she's just small".

In the months prior to finding out Tessa's Congenital CMV diagnosis, I had been praying, asking God to finally put my fears to rest. Asking for His help for me to accept Tessa for exactly who she was and rest assured that her life was in His hands. Little did I know, the information to come, would reveal the profound application of those exact prayers.

~Whitney

Three Sisters = So Much Family!

Our oldest sister: Hillarie, with husband Donald, and sons Mason, Haden & Rylan




















And Lindsay's the middle sister, with husband Kyle, son Keaton & daughter Kelbie



And me, the youngest sister, with husband Darin, son Parker & daughter Tessa (as if you didn't already know! :)

These two beautiful women of God (and their precious families!) are among my most valued treasures! They love me, laugh with me, cry with me, encourage me and inspire me to live life, changed by God's love.

Thank you Hillarie and Lindsay, for being for me, what only sisters can!

~Whitney

Someone's Feeling Better

They checked Tessa's ears today during her Auditory therapy appointment and her ears are clear! We think this might be the first time they've been infection free/fluid free since her hospital stay. So thankful.

The video is a little dark, but in an effort to keep Tessa from light gazing (as is strongly recommended by her Vision therapist) we try to minimize this distraction for her when we're at home.

Tessa has always responded so incredibly to touch, her giggles say it all!

Lighten the Load

Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


I took a big step today. For many of you it might sound ridiculous, to others of you, maybe all too familiar.

About a month ago, I got a really cute black, white and green tote, embroidered in hot pink with "Ten Tiny Toes" to carry around all of Tessa's stuff: medical records, medical bills, insurance statements, therapy progress reports, diagnosis documents, my calendar and my trusted little 'butterfly book' that I keep all of my notes in from every appointment and every important phone call.

Today is the first day, in almost a month and a half, that I left my tote at home....on purpose. I have been carrying this bag with me every day to work. When I have a moment, I find myself analyzing Tessa's medical bills, comparing the medical bills to our insurance statements, calling to set up payment plans, working on another piece of our TEFRA application, reading and re-reading her SoonerStart therapy reports, learning what I can from the explanation of diagnosis documents, making sure we are ready for upcoming appointments, and familiarizing myself with the notes I've been taking at our weekly therapy sessions.

I admitted to Darin last night that I am drowning in the stress of it all. Every day I try harder and harder to gain control over each and every aspect of what it takes to do life these days...and I feel like I am failing miserably. The more I try to gain control, the more out-of-control I feel, in every realm. I just couldn't make sense of it all. We both feel such an overwhelming responsibility to maintain some level of normalcy in our lives, but for me lately, it has been to the extent that I have been robbing myself of the joy in my life.

I believe in God's plan for my life. I also believe that we have a responsibility to diligently act; from paying our bills, to taking care of our family and preparing for our future. What I realized yesterday (with the help of my husband, of course) is that diligence to the extent of worry and stress, I believe, is beyond what God desires for our lives. I feel like my faith is only as good as the joy and peace I choose over stress and worry. God's got this. That doesn't mean I abandon my responsilibities as a wife, a mother and an employee, but it does mean, when the burden is heavy, we turn to Him for rest.

So, today I left my tote at home. Today I am allowing God to lighten my load because I am weary and burdened and He promises to give me rest.

~Whitney

Family Time

She's cute even with some rashy spots

Tessa admiring Parker's cool shades

Ha Ha...he loves her that much!

Brothers and Parker: love the resemblance!

Aunt Christy and Uncle Tim with the kidos.

Love this one. Tessa couldn't help but smirk snuggling with her Uncle Tim!

Last Week Summary

There is so much to write, but not enough time! Lucky for you, that means it's time to summarize ;)

Last Monday we had a follow up appointment with Dr. Wood. Tessa still had fluid in her ears, so we will just be watching that over the next month, but we assume tubes are in her very near future.

Tuesday was busy: Tessa got her new ear molds....light pink with glitter...sorry, not too adventurous in that realm yet . After her new ear molds, we took her for her 6 month wellness appointment and shots. Tessa is a whopping 13 lbs 6 oz and 23 3/4 inches! She may only be in the 10th percentile for her weight and the 3rd percentile for her height...but they didn't take into account her percentile for just plain fabulous! There was a school aged girl in the waiting room and all the sudden we heard her mom say "oh, look honey, that little baby has magic ears like you"....hadn't heard them called that before, it was pretty cute. This little girl had beautiful long curly hair and I didn't even see her hearing aids, she lit up when she looked and saw Tessa's...a sweet moment.
That evening we met with the Tessa's Physical Therapist and Vision Speacialist at the house. We had a wonderful session with them. We just love it when Deb (the vision specialist) comes to the house...she gets so excited and is just so darn impressed with where Tessa is on her vision. She says "she's doing such nice things to have a CVI diagnosis" ~ that's what we like to hear!!!
Tuesday night Tessa ran fever around 103, so Darin kept her home on Wednesday. We assumed she was reacting to the immunizations, but come to find out, she had gotten the roseola virus going around at the daycare. She broke out into a terrible rash on Thursday. The fever was probably a combination of both the shots and the virus, but thankfully, she didn't run fever for very long. The terrible rash is still there today, but hopefully it will be gone soon.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were just full of taking care of Tessa and entertaining Parker. Easy to say...hard to do. I can't tell you how stinkin ready we are for Miss Tessa to start feeling better...it can't come soon enough!

Saturday and Sunday we spent time with Darin's brother Tim, and his wife, Christy. Parker was so excited to see his Uncle Tim and Aunt Christy. He got lots of quality time with them in April when they came and stayed at the house with him when Tessa was born. We had lots of fun hanging out together at the house this weekend! Pictures to come.

I guess that catches us up. All that to say, we're all doing pretty good, just need to get and stay healthy!

~Whitney

My Perspective of God's Creation

There is an irrefutable fact about my life these days...change...a distinctive before and after. I never thought the day would come when I could listen to a message focused on God's plan and purpose for my life, and feel such clarity.

Sunday morning we heard a message called "Chazown" (you can read more about it here: http://chazown.com/ ). According to Craig's message, there are four phases of Chazown: (1) Spirit's Prompting, (2) Certain Uncertainty, (3) Predictable Resistance, and (4) Uncommon Clarity.

For me, the prompting came during a 7 day hospital stay for my precious 3 month old daughter. There are days where it feels less like persuasion and more like a swift-kick-in-the-butt... however... distinctive to say the least.

Certain uncertainty filled the days to follow our conference room discussion of Tessa's diagnosis. The doctors were certain of their findings of periventricular calcifications on Tessa's brain; however, the extent to which Tessa would deal with each diagnosis, as a result of the CMV, was uncertain. A certain Congenital CMV diagnosis....an uncertain Future. As quoted in the message notes regarding Certain Uncertainty: "I will do today what I can do to enable me to do tomorrow what I can't do today."

Predictable Resistance is difficult for me to describe. I feel like there are so many different realms of this present in our lives. Our hardships are many, but our faith is strong. As quoted from the message, Acts 20:23 "I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me."

And the most impacting, Uncommon Clarity. It is a different thing to feel that you have been made fully aware of your purpose in this life. The very first two points of Craig's message were: "Everyone Ends Up Somewhere" and "Few People End Up Somewhere on Purpose". Well, I feel like I'm ending up somewhere on purpose. There are definitely insecurities even in ending up somewhere on purpose...but after considering the first three points, I realize that I have discovered and am living, my Chazown.

I feel like I share God's vision for my life. I feel like I have the tools to fulfill the vision that is guided by my past, present, future and purpose. And now I'm walking that path and pursuing God's Chazown for my life.

I've left many a church services motivated to learn about the things God desires for my life...this last Sunday, I left encouraged...my purpose confirmed. A validation of the journey ahead.

~Whitney

Tickle Time with Tessa

She's 6 Months Old Today!

Prayers for those who Loved Leslie

Leslie passed away yesterday morning. Praying for Mark, his daughter Marli, and sons Marcus and Manning.

I believe with my whole heart that God gifts us with the strength and grace that we need to walk through the things that begin to define our journey.

~Whitney

Busy Days

Today is my first day back at work after being home with Parker the last 2 days. It had been almost a week since he had slept through the night and his breathing got so bad Monday night, I slept with him just to make sure he was okay until I could get him to the doctor the next morning. His oxygen level was very low. The doctor gave him a z-pack and a steroid and we got a nebulizer to do breathing treaments until our check up with him again the next afternoon. Thankfully the meds and some R&R did Parker some good and we got a good report at his follow up appointment. He's back at school today and we'll be continuing his breathing treatments and meds over the next few days. The doctor said since Parker had RSV in January, he is likely to continue dealing with residual effects of the virus. We're just hoping he'll grow out of it all!

While I was home with Parker on Tuesday, Darin took Tessa to get her new ear mold impressions done that afternoon. Unfortunately, they detected more fluid in her ears so we started antibiotic #3 yesterday for another 10 days. Can't a girl catch a break! Luckily we have a follow up appointment with Dr. Wood (ENT) on Monday to figure out what all this means for her and where we go from here. I kept both Tessa and Parker home with me yesterday, obviously not under the best of circumstances, but I'll take all the lovin/snuggle time I can get.

The Bynum household could probably still be considered a little cranky these days, but we're doing our best to keep plugging along. And I must say, we weren't exactly prepared for the ramifications of a 2 1/2 yr old on the combination of Albuterol and steroids....it has had its difficult moments, but better yet, were the Hilarious ones mixed in: Parker was being crazy in the car on the way to the doctor and screaming at the top of his lungs and I told him I was going to spank him if he didn't straighten up, and Parker says "Can't Mommy, I'm sittin in my seat!" ~ perceptive little fellow ;)

One of the sweeter moments was when I asked Parker if he'd hand me something because Tessa was napping in my arms and Parker said "Yes Mommy, cause I am Big-And-Strong!"

We'll take a little wild and crazy if it means laughter and smiles along the way!

Whitney

Praying for Leslie Evans

Many of you that are praying for Tessa have never met her and never met us, but you believe in prayer; dilligently seeking God through the things we cannot understand.

Similarly, I have never met Mark or Leslie Evans, but they are dear friends of my old boss, Michael and his wife, Adrianne. Leslie is in the hospital and their family has already suffered such unbelievable tragedy. I do not have the adequate words to describe their need for prayer, but if you feel lead, please take some time to read their story: http://lesliejoyevans.blogspot.com/

~Whitney

Weekend with Family

We were able to make a short trip to Alva this weekend to visit some of our Bynum family: Uncle Tommy, Aunt Lacy, cousins Emmy, Libby and Harley ~ and Grandma and Grandpa came down from Kansas too. We all got a chance to watch Harley play some flag football Saturday morning. It was a little chilly, but lots of fun! Thanks for a great weekend, we love you all!


Daddy and Parker had fun running around and playing.

Tessa had on her little hoodie all snuggled up in her stroller.

I managed to round up Parker for a quick pic!

~Whitney

Growing Girl

Sweet and peaceful!

She lights up all over when she smiles!