Blessings Today & Decisions for Tomorrow

We had some difficult experiences this last week, but I sit here this evening, thankful for the lessons I have learned and reflective on the blessings we have received. I feel like this post is going to be a little all-over-the-place because my heart and mind have been in so many different places over this last week. But here goes :)

Lately, I feel like the blessings that I have experienced have gone hand-in-hand with the softening of my heart. I am learning, in the simplest of things, that the Lord is walking with me and taking care of me. I was able to share this new perspective with my sister Hillarie, a few weeks ago, and she summarized it so beautifully:
"It isn't that God is not blessing us sometimes, it's that our hearts are sometimes not soft enough to acknowledge or even notice the blessing."

There are hardly words to describe the way in which my eyes have been opened to the world of children with special needs. Compared to where I was before, I feel like my eyes are wide open, and yet I know that I still have had such limited exposure to the extent in which children deal with various disabilities. I honestly even catch myself stumbling when speaking the words "mother of a special needs child". It is my reality, and yet, I am still able to come home and have my precious little baby girl laugh and smile at me. I can't even explain the guilt that corresponds with witnessing the severest of diagnosis first hand. We have been given a very difficult string of diagnosis for our precious little Tessa, but we are so blessed.

This week my dad reminded me of Proverbs 3 : 5-6
"(5) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (6) in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." My dad told me he would be preaching a message today emphasising that 'The key to living in God's will is to Believe God.'

Scripture has taken on such new meaning in my life. Proverbs 3 is such an encouraging passage. Tessa's future is full of unknowns, but it isn't anymore of an unknown than my own future. We have been given challenges to overcome now and others to anticipate overcoming in the future. But all we have is today. All we can do is trust the Lord to guide our steps and direct our paths. I'm learning that this is not a passive approach. Trusting the Lord with all your heart requires knowing God and believing His word.

We could not have made it through this week without trusting the Lord to direct our paths. There are entirely too many decisions to make on Tessa's behalf, as her parents. It is impossible to know what will be best beyond today...not knowing what tomorrow holds. Our responsibility as Tessa's parents is not to know or try to predict her future. Our responsibility is to trust the Lord to guide us in loving her, protecting her, caring for her, and giving her what she needs for today and until we are faced with decisions for tomorrow.

I am thankful, humbled and blessed.

~Whitney