A Year Ago Today!

A year ago today we officially became the Bynum Four and welcomed the most precious baby girl into our lives. Little did we know the impact she would have on us: her parents, her brother, her grandparents, her aunts, her uncles, her cousins, and so many others who would come to know or know about, Miss Tessa Rayne!

Since I have failed miserably at keeping up with Tessa's baby book, I have decided to recap the events of a year ago today, to always have a record ~ even though it feels like I will always remember them, down to the very last detail! I hope Tessa will be able to look back at these posts some day and see moments that highlight God's amazing and beautiful purpose for her life!

This time last year I was at work and having contractions throughout the day. Finally around 3:00 I decided enough was enough and headed home to try and rest. Tessa's due date was April 22nd and my c-section was planned for April 16th, but our little missy had a different plan in mind. When I got to the house I was actually feeling a little better and told Darin I really really wanted to take Parker to the mall to Build-A-Bear so he could have his new buddy for the 'big day' in case that day was coming sooner than we thought. So we loaded up and went to the mall. I was hurtin...leaning on counters and pausing in pain throughout the store, while Darin and Parker frolicked through the store stuffing, bathing, clothing and naming ~ Scruffy! I tried so hard to be apart of the fun...but found it a bit challenging. We decided to go sit in the food court and get something to eat. After a few bites, I told Darin I just couldn't do it anymore. The contractions were not letting up and had only gotten worse since we had been at the mall. On the drive home we made a plan: we would go home and gather our things, take Parker to our friend's house and go ahead and go up to the hospital. Worst case scenario, they would look at us like we were crazy and tell us to go back home because I wasn't in labor :)

So we packed our things, got Parker dropped off, for either a few hours or over night, and headed to the hospital. We got to the check-in desk and I did the dreaded "I think I'm in labor" spiel. They casually got us back into a room and checked me....and yes...I was dialated to almost a 7! It's funny how relieved I was just knowing that we hadn't wasted their time and that I was right about being in labor....7 cm dialated worth of right! Luckily our doctor was in-house and we were ready to go into surgery within the next hour or so. I remember Dairn making a trip or two out to the car once we realized we were staying, and also making a few phone calls to some family, just to let them know it was time :) The experience was unique, no family, no friends, just me and Darin awaiting the arrival of our baby girl.

I will never forget the moment I heard them say "4 lbs 15 oz"! I remember such intense confusion. Just a week before, at our last OB appointment, the doctor predicted we'd be having another 7-8 pounder. Parker was born at 37 weeks and was 7 lbs 12 oz and 20 inches long. I remember Darin walking over to where Tessa was and the doctor was finishing up my surgery. I found myself in a moment, looking around, unable to find Darin, unable to find the anesthesiologist~ who had both been right by my side the whole time...and I freaked out! I remember saying very loudly (maybe yelling ;) to Darin..."I'm not okay, I'm not okay, I'm NOT OKAY". In that moment, when everyone around me had disappeared, I thought that they were gathering around Tessa because something was wrong. I thought that no one was telling me anything because something was terribly wrong with her. I panicked! Within seconds, the anesthesiologist was giving me something in my IV and suddenly I was calm. Then I remember him and Darin and my doctor chuckling about the 'happy juice' (or something)...all was well ~ thanks Doc. And within another few seconds, Darin was bringing Tessa over to me for kisses and to take our first picture.
Tessa arrived on April 8, 2010 at 10:19 p.m. At 38 weeks, she weighed 4 lbs 15 oz and was 19 inches long. She was "healthy just small" they said. Other than some jaundice, Tessa's only other struggles were maintaining her body temperature and gaining weight. They ran lots of tests, but everything was coming back normal. It was good news, but there was still so much confusion. It wasn't a comforting thing to see perplexed doctors. I was reluctant for weeks to post any pictures of Tessa anywhere. I had an aching feeling in my heart that something wasn't right. She was born at 38 weeks...only 2 weeks early, but so tiny. I just couldn't accept "she's just small". In the months prior to finding out Tessa's Congenital CMV diagnosis, I had been praying, asking God to finally put my fears to rest. Asking for His help for me to accept Tessa for exactly who she was and rest assured that her life was in His hands. Little did I know, the information to come, would reveal the profound application of those exact prayers.

A year ago today the Lord began teaching me the about the truest of applications of His word in Proverbs 3 : 5-6 "(5) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (6) in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

Happy 1st Birthday my precious Tessa Rayne! I love you! You are a gift - You are God's treasure - You are our joy - You are a life of such promise and purpose - and you are changing us all! You have done, in just one year of life, what others strive to do in a lifetime. You have been a light to this world and have had an impact, that I believe, God has chosen specifically for you to have. I admire your strength, determination and your perseverance. I am in awe of God's careful and precise creation of you. Today I celebrate your life! Today I celebrate your accomplishments and the Little Miss you have become. Today I pray for your future and for the continued impression God is making upon your heart. Today I promise to keep working hard, right along side you...for every success and every milestone that await your arrival!

I Love You with all my heart!
~Mommy