Well today is the day...hopefully :) We have an appointment this afternoon to find out if Parker and Tessa will be welcoming a brother or sister in the Spring!! Parker is so excited! We have names picked out and we are all excited and ready to finally land on one! Now we're just hoping Baby Bynum doesn't hide from us this afternoon ;)
The last 18 weeks have been very different from anything I've ever experienced. Obviously being pregnant and having a 4 1/2 and almost 7 year old has been very different...but the differences in my perspective have been the most notable. One of my biggest perspective shifts over the last several years has been finding peace and joy in today. I don't seem to spend as much time worrying about tomorrow...yes, because typically today has enough troubles of its own...but also because today holds so much to be embraced and experienced. During my last two pregnancies (though hard to remember back sometimes) I know I spent the majority of the time dreaming of the future...imagining what life would be like once the baby was here. I imagined all things good and lovely...a life that resembled an embarrassing level of perfection at times. I remember embracing my growing belly, etc...but overall, I was very forward-thinking. This time, I'm not spending much time on that. I find that today, I'm thankful to be pregnant another day. I'm thankful for the moments that I feel good and am full of energy throughout my day. I'm thankful for each and every flutter in my belly. I stop and cherish the moments when Parker pats my belly and asks me "how's the baby doing today?" with a huge grin on his face.
I've had a really hard time writing anything down over the last few months...some in part because I haven't felt the greatest and am thankful to now be on the other side of 1st trimester challenges! But, I've had plenty swirling through my head, just nothing really to land on...until today.
From Jesus Calling November 4th:
Walk peacefully with me through this day. You are wondering how you will cope with all that is expected of you. You must traverse this day like any other: one step at a time. Instead of mentally rehearsing how you will do this or that, keep your mind on My Presence and on taking the next step. The more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me. This is a training opportunity, since I designed you for deep dependence on your Shepherd-King. Challenging times wake you up and amplify your awareness of needing My help.
When you don't know what to do, wait while I open the way before you. Trust that I know what I'm doing, and be ready to follow My lead. I will give strength to you, and I will bless you with Peace.
Exodus 33:14; Deuteronomy 33:25; Hebrews 13:20-21; Psalm 29:11
Just because I've had rather significant changes in my perspective over time, that doesn't mean that I never worry. But it does mean that I have a much better approach to the worries and fears that can so easily begin to take over. I am so very human...and I am as susceptible to worry as the next...but I feel better equipped to resolve my worries and fears before they take over. The things that I am aware of in my life today, look nothing like they did over 5 and 7 years ago. The realities of disabilities, illnesses, suffering and loss have a much bigger existence in my life than they ever have before. From the passage above: "I designed you for deep dependence on your Shepherd-King"...this resonates more and more in my life the more time that goes by. The things of this world are not good and lovely...they are hard and painful and gut-wrenching at times. But by design, "challegning times wake you up and amplify your awareness of needing My help". I can't do this life without my relationship with God. I can't. I can't get up and face each day and I sure can't dive head-first into the unknowns of another pregnancy...another little life's dependence on me. But I can peacefully walk through this day knowing He is the provider of strength, hope and grace. I can put one foot in front of the other because the King promises the blessing of Peace when we learn to depend on Him.
I am excited for today. I am excited to see our little baby and to finally give a name. I am not thrilled about the analytical approach that will inevitably be taken by the medical staff, but I understand their approach. God has blessed us with this opportunity to love another little precious Bynum Baby and we are thrilled. This world would have me fear everything unknown, but God would have me trust in the promises of His strength and peace.
Today is an exciting day for our family!!
~Whitney
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