Hard Days

Nothing specifically is bothering me (well, or everything specifically), I've just noticed over the last couple days, I've been in a gloomier place. I sent a text to my sisters last night asking them to pray for a sense of spiritual renewal for me. Part of it has to do with the guilt that comes from the replaying of "I didn't sign up for this" in my mind. There are such incredible joys that have come with this journey, and that we experience every day, but there are also some very difficult moments mixed in. Days where I'm searching for an "Easy" button or some days even a "Quit" button. It is very frustrating to admit that I seem to have lost my way.

Hillarie made me several worship CDs after Tessa's hospital stay and I've been listening to one of the songs today. It is helping me find my way back. It's called "You Are Still Holy" by Kim Hill. The version I've been listening to features Kari Jobe and it is beautiful:


Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes

Lord, I don't deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love

And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Savior
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
You are still holy

Holy, You are still holy
Even when I don't understand Your ways
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when my circumstances don't change

Lord, I don't deserve your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth
I want my life to be a pure devotion
To You

So I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Savior
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You


To understand that even when darkness surrounds my life and confusion has blinded my eyes....even when I don't understand His ways and when my circumstances don't change, He is holy and sovereign: these are the things that are worth us finding our way back. These are the attributes of our God...the characteristics of the maker of our journey.

There are always joys and sorrows....but more importantly, are the choices we have every day, throughout the day, to find our way back and hold fast to the truths we hide in our hearts.

~Whitney