Today was a very difficult day...full of emotion; from frustration to heartache. Today I had to tend to business and face the harsh reality of Tessa's diagnosis in the most uncomfortable of situations. Today I had to visit the Social Security Administration office in order to begin the process of applying for disability benefits on Tessa's behalf. Today I fell apart.
I am a business person and take pride in my organization and attention to detail. But before I am a business person, I am a Mommy...and today those worlds collided. I was overwhelmed today that I should not be having to tend to this type of business for my precious, almost 6 month old, daughter. I wept over the unfairness of our situation, but I had a responsibility to secure necessary provision for my daughter, beyond today and beyond tomorrow.
For those of you that know me well, you know that "worry" could be my middle name. My worry has inhibited me in so many ways, for so many years. It is so interesting to me that at a time in my life when I have more to worry about for the future than I ever have before, I find myself worrying less about tomorrow and dedicating myself to the events of today. Even though my actions today were out of provision for the future, I found myself walking away from it all seeking the purpose behind the chain of events and consequently, my struggles.
I came home this evening emotionally exhausted, but gratefully reminded of God's goodness. I just read my devotional for today from a book my sister gave me called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Here is a portion:
I am perpetually with you, taking care of you. That is the most important fact of your existence. I am not limited by time or space. My Presence with you is a forever promise. You need not fear the future for I am already there.... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow.
Matthew 6:34: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I believe today was so incredibly difficult because God chose the events of my day to reveal His promise of His Presence in my life. God blessed me today with a reference point. I cried more tears today than I have cried in a while, but I also know that there will be more tears to cry...and when those days come ~ I have a reference point...of God's promise to me in my life. Today was hard, but I did it and it's done.
I am thankful that, for all of my tomorrows, I have a reference point for this particular promise of God's presence in my life...and for that, the struggles of today were worth it.
~Whitney
I'm glad God brought you some peace at the end of the day but it does sound like a hard day.
ReplyDeleteHang in there friend!
-Brandy W.
I can't imagine how hard all this must be! I've been praying and will continue to do so. I've missed you at church! I'm glad you're getting that time with your precious kiddos though. :)
ReplyDeleteDonetta
Whit- That verse has, and always will be my favorite bible verse. It has comforted me as well too many times to count. Worry must run in the family :) My other grandmother, my Mema, always said to me, "If you pray, why worry? If you worry, why pray?"
ReplyDeleteAnd don't forget the verse before it which is the ultimate reminder and reference point..."But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things may be added unto you."
One of the names of God is El Roi - God Who Sees. I am thankful that He walked with you through this day...that He comforted you with His presence and the promise of His forever presence...and that He showed you that He is the God who sees you. I love you, Whit!
ReplyDeleteWow, Whitney. Your post is so powerful. I know this verse well, and I think of it often. However, I never thought in terms of Jesus being in the future NOW, I just think of him being "when and where" I am. Thank you for sharing your insight.
ReplyDeleteI've seen you grow so much over the years since I started at MH&B with Dannie, but you amaze me now. Your strength and wisdom are incredible. You and your sweet family are in my prayers.
Love you,
Wanda Hufnagle
Whitney........I'm so sorry for your tough day. I hope it helps to know that we love Tessa so very much. She truly knows us now and gives us the best smiles the first time she sees our faces each day. It is a different smile, one of recognition. You go ahead and have those times of tears. They are good for you , a release, and will help you keep going. Love and prayers for all of you, Beth
ReplyDeleteWhitney,
ReplyDeleteYou have such an inspiring outlook even through your tough days! I know you may not see it or feel that way but your strength is amazing.
I once heard a sermon where the preacher was saying that sometimes God will create bad situations, or a bad day in your case, so that when His blessings come they will be that much more evident and obvious. He likened it to a diamond ring on a black background. That a diamond sparkles so much more when in contrast with a darkly lined box. I pray that this day, this reference point, will be the background against which He will amaze you with the splendor of His hand. That His blessings to come will shine even more brilliantly now that you know He has walked right beside you in the hardest of times!
((((( Hugs ))))) and prayers of His unfailing love over you and your family!